Thursday 29 January 2015

Dear Bear

So there's this thing happening over at the Oldhammer Forum. You'll need to read that to understand what this is about. I'll wait.

It's a good thing. It should be supported.

So I've supported it. Here's my entry:


"I think you've got the wrong idea there, son," the scarred show master said. "Sign says 'bear wrestling'. B. E. A. R."

"Oh. Oh, I see," Dew stammered. "Silly me," he continued, as he pulled his trousers back on. There was nothing he could do to hide the crimson bloom of his cheeks. "Um...could I get my money back, please?"

The show master raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, kid. No refunds."

"What do you mean, no refunds!"

The show master grinned. "Well, its like this: imagine that you said 'hey, could I get my money back?' and then I said 'okay, sure, put out your hand.' You then put out your hand and I put your money back in it. With me so far?"

Dew nodded. "Yeah. Sounds good so far."

"Yeah, I'll bet. So when I say 'no refunds', its like all of that except for the bit where I put the money in your hand, see?"

"Wait a minute! So you mean..."

"Yep," the show master nodded. "Unless you actually want to wrestle the bear? Maybe you can win the prize and your money back?"

As he waited, Dew Rexe remembered that fateful day. He had no idea how it was that he'd actually beaten the bear. He supposed the bear eventually got dizzy from running around in circles and that's what led to his being able to choke it with his jock strap.

Killing the bear had been one thing, but the prize - that was the real life changer: a cloak that change its wearer into a bear. That sort of power could only be used for good.

And so it was that Dare Bear was born. A mild-mannered baker's assistant by day - a raging bear of justice by night. It wasn't long before the exploits of Dare Bear reached the ears of Patton Mountbatton - the mysterious commissioner of the Dogs of Law.

And it was he who Dew and Colin the Centaur were waiting for.

Dew was dragged from his reverie by the sound of a carriage approaching. Patton Mountbatton, he thought. Finally.

The carriage pulled up alongside the elf and the centaur. "Evening, chaps," said a voice through the curtain. No one ever saw the face of Patton Mountbatton.

"Evening, sir," the two replied.

"Good to see you Dew. I have a special task for you. I need you to head out east tonight. Scout the woods. I suspect there's a camp of chaos sympathisers out there and I want to find out more. Don’t engage - just scout. I was thinking your bear aspect would be especially useful here."

Dew, no - Dare Bear - nodded. "Will do, sir!" He ducked past the carriage to get some distance between himself and the horses before he changed. Having a bear appear right next to horses always produced a bad outcome. Looking over his shoulder, he established that he was clear.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt!" he sang, invoking the power of the cloak.


Dare Bear growled. Let's go see about these... sympathisers.


"That's interesting," Colin said as he watched Dare Bear bound off into the nearby forest. "I thought the Dogs were heading west tonight?"

"They are," Patton Mountbatton replied. "But we're deploying the giant tonight, and he's afraid of bears. I just need Dew out of the way for a while..."


Dew Rexe is a standard Wood Elf, but counts as a Were-bear as a result of his magical cloak - The Bristles of the Bear. All of the rules for Weres apply (Page 224 of Warhammer Fantasy Battles) apart from the fact that no transmutation test is required in order to change shape - this can be done at will by the wearer of the cloak.

Whilst in Were-Bear form, Dew (Dare Bear) receives the following benefits: 

  • All attacks count as magical 
  • All the rules for a Were apply (with the exception of those above - also remember Weres suffer from Frenzy and Hatred) 
  • Should Dew (Dare Bear) ever leave the table in his Bear form, he is assumed to have 'gone feral' and wandered off. He will eventually return to the Dogs of Law, but for the purposes of the game (and calculating victory conditions), assume he has fled from the table. 

Whilst in Elven form, Dew receives the following benefits: 

  • All attacks count as magical 
  • 5+ armour save 
  • +1 attack
Dare Bear and Dew Rexe - Side

Dare Bear and Dew Rexe - Front

Dare Bear and Dew Rexe - Rear (and side - who wants to see a bear bum?)