A Tale of Four(ish) Gamers

On the internet, there is a chap called Dave. 

Dave likes beer, bacon and battle. Especially the 4th edition of Warhammer Fantasy Battle. He likes it so much, he made a group about it on Facebook.

Dave is also a friend of mine, and is kind to me. 

And so, dear reader, at this junction, I am expecting your mind to create a venn diagram in your head, for me, so that I don't have to have one here. It is a diagram that describes the union of Dave, kindness and Warhammer 4th edition. 

You see, what Dave has gone and done is issue a challenge similiar in almost every respect to the Tale of Four Wargamers, which is a very famous series of articles in White Dwarf about real wargamers using real money to do real wargaming.  

He's called it The Tale of 4th Gamers because he's witty like that and has opened it up to the entire internet to particpate in. It is intended to start in November (the very first day of November!), so the entire internet does still have tine to register their interest, but, what with Netflix, OnlyFans, ASMR Twitch streams and Call of Duty Modern Dark Ops Super Warfare 13, I suspect that most of the entire internet will have missed the challenge and may not show up. 

Candidly, it was my intention not to show up either. I have difficulty with painting challenges, because for me to paint, I have realised that I must follow my inspiration. Painting things because I have to is a real mood killer and leads to massive down time as I spiral into disappointment and self loathing for being unable to meet the challenge, meaning I'm clearly a failure and a loser and therefore I should overeat and watch ASMR Twitch feeds to console myself to my bottomfeeding ambitions and capabilities.

But walking away from challenges is not the stuff of blogposts, so our story does not end here. 

I had occasion to catch up with Dave (amongst others) at Warlord Paul's thoroughly excellent Night of the Living Lead event, which takes place every year around about Halloween here:

...and looked like this:

 

...and I participated with this:

Gratuitious image posting because I swore every post I make shall now have something I've painted in them. 

Anyway, because I had mumbled something about mild interest in the thought of planning a means to consider an option of a potential interest in participating, and because Dave is a kind man, he beat me with a stick until I agreed. 

Through the magic of paper production, however, the stick was already magically transformed formed into paper; specifically paper contained within White Dwarfs 218-223, in which the famous Tale of Four Gamers is documented. Dave gave these magazines to me, wrapped, no less, in paper. With sellotape.

Like a gift. 

He then told me all about the gold coins and the pricing thing that he had worked out and we chewed the fat on the elf army that I was going to bring to the challenge. We drank beer, we ate kebabs, we swore fealty to the challenge. 

He instructed me to read the challenge and be inspired.  

So, I did, and I am. Inspired enough to immediately deviate from course and over-engineer any reasonable response to a challenge whose constraints and opportunities Dave has already determined, so as to alleviate these stresses on the participants of the challenge. 

But not for me. 

What I really liked about the challenge was the photos of the original gamers on the phone, or with catalogues, looking like they were doing the thing we all did back in those heady days of mail order trolls, posting order forms and paying with credit cards whose details were written onto the order form and trusted to the post box. I remember those days and I immediately identified the bizarre joy of the budget constraint; the hunt; the min/maxing not of army power, but of fiscal reality - numbers of figures per blister or per box, all accruing together into a real, viable army. 

So, off to eBay I went to get an original 1997 Mail Order Price List, so that I could fully participate in the challenge, as if, in fact, it was 1997. I now realise these magazines were actually published in 1998, but I was giddy with childish excitement and by the time I realised this the price list was already on its way. 

And so, equipped with the price list, I started to plan. 

Astute readers may recall that I mentioned above the noble High Elves as the force I intended to enter the challenge with. That would make sense - I have what I think are quite good ideas for a captivating and interesting marine force, with great figure choices and some eye catching conversion options. Crucually, it would be a small force. Achievable in a challenge. I've invented two special characters for them. Maybe forty-ish figures? 

Ideal. 

So I over-engineered that too. Or maybe sabotaged.

Because I went down this path instead:

...because of the thing that caused me to fall in love with warhammer in the first place. This image:

...depicting the most glorious of goblin armies. A scene that has captured and haunted me ever since, because as a youngster there was no way on earth I'd be able to afford the £251 required to buy this in 1993.

But over the long, long years, I have slowly and patiently and quietly gathered together the figures reqiuired to create this horde. And Dave had challenged me to a Tale of 4th Gamers. And it is Orctober.

So, I broke out a little more inspiration with my own copy of White Dwarf 157, where the battle report featuring these two magnificent forces appeared. 

Inspiration flowed. 

Here was the means for me to advance the dream by painting vital constituents of Azhag's Goblin Horde.

So, clutching childhood dreams, the double dose of intoxicating inspiratation and the 1997 Citadel Price List, I set to work constructing my shopping list.

Which gives me a challenge force that looks like this:

The orcs here are really an extension of this unit:

...which I guess is my actual start of Azhag's White Dwarf 157 force. I also note that whilst you're seeing two trolls in blister, this is because I have a third stone troll already painted up, a gift from that fine chap Mr Grove over in Americaland, who remembered that I have a penchant for Stone Trolls and ensured I would never be without one. I will not repaint this troll, although I may consider some base matching with the rest of the force.

So, soon we start. It should be that at the end of November, I'll have 20 painted orcs - a thing I've not ever had in all my years of warhammer.

Cheers, Dave!

 

Battle Report: The Vampyr Of The Riding

 Last weekend, I had the privilege and pleasure of playing one of the most enjoyable games of Warhammer Fantasy Battle I've ever played. 

And I have played quite a few good games of Warhammer, so let me assure you of the quality of what I experienced last week. 

"Playing with yourself again, are we?' wonders the ancient reader, familiar with events long ago on this blog. 

Thanks for asking - but no. This exchange involved a real, actual human opponent that, well, wasn't me. 

There are a few reasons for the superlative experience, I think:

1. I felt the desperate rush to paint something in a way I've not experienced since my Warhammer infused childhood. 
2. The desperation caused me to look again at figures I had in my collection that had not yet been stripped, or were semi-painted, or, well, anywhere close to allowing me to do something I haven't done for a while. Thus I realised that a large proportion of the dwarves in my collection were still waiting to be stripped down, but were actually in quite good condition. Salvageable condition.  Quickly salvageable - achievable within about a week or so. 
3. ...which created a whole new possibility, the results of which you will read about shortly
4. The chap with whom I had played has not, for various reasons, had very many or good experiences with any versions of Warhammer, but had a jib squarely cut in the oldhammer pattern. I submit to the reader that this was very fertile ground.
5. I had to formulate both forces as a result of owning all the figures and also being the more experienced player. Long have I pondered how capable the 4th edition of Warhammer would be if tackled responsibly, and this was a very, very rich opportunity to explore that. 
6. Having played The Battle At The East Gate of Karak Eight Peaks at Bring Out Your Lead with the formidable Gillson brothers, I was still on a high, because that was another of the most enjoyable games of Warhammer I've experienced in a very long time. I wanted to play some more 4th edition.
7. The chap that I played against has previously visited me to play 3rd edition. For a new starter, 3rd edition is a tough prospect, and he found the detail distracting. 4th edition felt like it would serve well in this scenario. 

Now it has been a long time since I've crafted enough narrative to enrich a battle report. The few games I've been able to play have all been rushed and boundaried by unfair and ridiculous constraints, which mean they've not received the love (or the player engagement) they deserved. I had entered this game expecting the same thing, and although I had formulated some of the narrative (enough to shape some of the force selection), it was only after the event that I realised the thing deserved more, because it was so good. 

Which leads us to the game itself. As all games should, we'll begin with a prologue...

***

The Striganie people of Cruel Sylvania, called also in ancient times the Fennone, have a long habit of opening the stories told of and by their people with a time one hundred and one years in the past. Be the matter last week, last year or last decade; it occured one hundred and one years ago. 

And so it is with this story so faithfully retold to me by that redoubtable people. It settles me to say the story, starting as they do with this curious endearment of theirs.

For one hundred years ago and one, a peace had settled on The Auld Ryding. In that time, it was known simply as The Riding, and contained within its borders the villages of Shoodthorpe (referred to by some as Stoodthorpe), Averridge and Mayby. Modern day cartographers will tell you that the village of Stoodhof must necessarily be - or be found upon - the remains of Stoodthorpe, and indeed, the same for Maylhof with long forgotten Mayby. 

The Auld Ryding nuzzles like a hound at his master's feet into the roots of the Black Mountains, in the northern shadow of the peaks that boundary the freezing flows of the Black Water Lake.

Should it ever be that you conduct your business in lonely Zhufbar, or indeed travel west from that place to warmer Imperial climes of Einsamholtz, Averheim or even far away Nuln, you may very well find yourself taking your mutton at the Inn of the Green King in Averridge as you pass by.

Now it came to pass that the peace was shattered: there fell a great tragedy upon the Roogslaugh family, who resided at their family estate of Hill House: the great house burned down, and with it, all of its once noble occupants. 

The folk of The Riding claim the house was put to the torch by an angry crowd from Shoodthorpe, for the house was profane in the eyes of all good and holy men. In that house was practiced necromancie, and daemonologie, and other acts of malice and wrongdoing. 

Still others claim that the house was consumed by daemons, come to collect the souls of Count Roogslaugh and his kin that were long over-due.

Yet the Striganie make a third claim, by which they swear, that the house in fact was set on fire by the youngest son of the Count: Daniel Roogslaugh. In their telling, young Daniel desired one thing above all others in life:

To be a woman. 

Being as yet unlearned in the ways of his family's spellcraft, he beseeched his father, his mother, his brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts and any of the servants with the heart to listen to entreat whatever dark gods and powers with whom they kept appointments to grant him this one desire - but to no avail. 

Full of shame, his father and his brothers beat the boy within an inch of his life and ejected him from the house, bidding him never to return. Young Daniel was compelled to live a scoundrels life, reduced to eating worms and beetles and whatever gruel the pigs of Shoodthorpe could not reach in their troughs. 

Full of rage and spite, Daniel survived and grew strong in his adversity. There came a travelling circus to Shoodthorpe who took in the boy, where he learned the skills of acting, and powder, and disguise. In the years that followed, he succumbed to his craven appetite for all things feminine: consuming costly fashion, spreading innane gossip and fainting as the occasion saw fit. He also abandoned the Roogslough name, setting on Danielle Le Roux, or has he became known: Danni.

At the height of his new performing career, it came to pass that Danni beguiled and fascinated a wealthy theatre goer. The gentleman, whose name was Andru Wwoydlebber (of the West Hochland Wwoydlebbers) was also a fearsome vampyr, known in society only as The Bantam of the Opera, on account of the cockerel mask he donned at such events. He pledged his love for Danni and on the night of their wedding, bestowed upon Danni the Kiss Everlasting. Too late did Wwoydlebber perceive the truth: he had not made sure that the girl was pure, as directed by the ancient wisdom of the Tone Loc. Nay, declared the vampyr: he was not about to play around with no Osca Myewina (a derogatory term the Striganie declined to illuminate) and thrashed Danni within an inch of his life before expelling him into the night in his wrath.

Long did Danni wander, developing erudition in the way of the vampyr. Finally, the master of his dark power, he returned to Hill House to exact his revenge on his former family. Terrible was his vengeance that night; not a creature made a sound in all The Riding, lest they drew the ire of the avenging vampyr in all his terrible fury.

Yet, even with his dying breath, the old Count Roogslough pronounced a curse upon Danni: paralysed shall he be, as unto stone, until one hundred years and one had passed. At once, Danni was turned to stone and there stood in the burning ruins of his family home. 

In the time that followed, many grave robbers and their ilk visited the ruin of Hill House, prospecting for whatever wealth there remained. In a daring display of bravado, once such character cleaned up the statue that Danni had become, and, struck by the look of anguish on the statue's face, was this able to sell it to the village council of Averridge as a statue of the Martyr Morga, Our Lady of Sigmar Distressed, for no less than one hundred pieces of silver. The statue was placed in the market square, and there dwelt until the passing of one fateful Hexenstag.

And so it was that late on that evening of Hexenstag, when a single cloud interrupted the full light of Mannsleib, that the curse was finally broken, and the young vampyr, possessed with the hunger of one hundred and one years of waiting, came to his senses. Immediately, he locked eyes with the rotund (some cruel folk had been known to say 'porcine') Lady Weller, gazing vacantly out of her parlour window. With unnatural power and grace, Danni leapt up to her window, compelling her with his daemonic charm to allow him to enter, whereupon she yielded to his most base desires: the waxing of his upper lip and the immediate trimming of his split ends. This done, the two discussed the fashions of the modern, conscientious  lady, before he drained her of every drop of blood her formidable form could muster and fled with her wardrobe. 

Beset with sorrow, Sir Weller demanded the village constabulary immediately bring to justice the wicked vampyr. Their leader, the brave Captain Prangle, knew a little of vampyrs and realised he and his men would be quickly outclassed by such a vicious beast of the night as the one that had so brutally murdered the good lady. To this end, he secured the services of the Thunderbuckle clan - merchant hill dwarves that had been looking to expand into the area. 

There came also a renowned wizard of the Grey order: Elrich Lang, who specialised uniquely in the hunting of vampyrs and the consumption of alcohol, preferring especially the heady ciders of the southern Empire. Having heard of the plight of the village of Averridge whilst on route to the Shrine of Gadd (on account of the legend of that places brew house), he immediately volunteered to join the company of men and dwarves, to seek out and destroy The Vampyr of The Riding.

***

 Location

An ancient map of The Riding:

 Note that the right hand side of the map is, in fact, south. This map:

 

 

...better shows both the position of The Riding in the Empire, as well as its true orientation (the top of the map is north).

***

Forces

So remember when I spoke about being responsible with the rules? Well, in my opinion, one of the greatest contributors to the horror of 4th edition was the irresponsible use of lists and the delegation of the players' abilities to have fun down to the rule books and army lists. 

I love (LOVE!) the early army books from 4th edition because they have the right amount of passion and none of the marketing finesse (as in, power creep...) that the later editions would introduce. 

In this case, I was able to achieve what I wanted within the bounds of the army books, but this is strictly coincidence, as opposed to my being boundaried by what the books offered. There were some differences to what might have happened in 4th edition way back when:

• I did not use points to determine the forces. I went with a looks-and-feels-right approach. 
• Whilst I don't think characters should buy magic items directly (random draw or pay for random draw), having no points basically just meant I would randomise the magic items. 
• The player could determine which item was best suited to which character (sometimes, I'd advocate the character has what the character has, but this felt right this time). 
• I opted not to use the Chaos Gift cards (so no Eternal Labour...), even though I was really aching to. I didn't want Matt's 4th edition experience to have his chaos characters forced off the table before he could apply himself to the situation. I did use spells and magic items from that set, however. 

 

***

 

The Undead

The Undead. Clickening will embiggen.

 

CHARACTERS

 

Danni Le Roux - Vampire Lord

Items:

• Blessed Sword (Grants WS 10. Yeah, I know.)

Spells:

• Raise the Dead 
• Vanhels Dans Macabre

Captain Vorador - Wight Champion

Items:

• Wight Blade (1 W = 1d3 W)
  
• Heavy Armour

 

Lord Helke - Wight Champion

Items:

• Wight Blade (1 W = 1d3 W)
• Heavy Armour

 

Mihartiskaphut - Mummy Tomb Lord

Items:

• Manticore
• Dragonhelm (2+ save against fire attacks)

 

Scuttlebotch - Chaos Hero

Items:

• Mark of Nurgle (+1 Toughnesss)
• Tormentor Sword (Surviving victims are subject to Stupidity)
• Potion of Chaos
• Heavy Armour 

 

Livvissspot the Insidious - Sorcerer

Items:

• Mark of Slaanesh
• Dispel Magic Scroll
  

Spells: 

• Cacaphonic Choir
  

 

TROOPS

The Old Barrowmen of Stoodthorpe - 20 Zombies

Items:

• Evil disposition and pathetic moaning 

 

The 1st Companie of Averridge - 19 Skeletons

Led by Captain Vorador

Items:

• Banner
• Musician
• Spears
• Shields
• Light Armour
  

The Reapers of Farie Tor - 19 Skeletons

Led by Lord Helke

Items:

• Banner
• Musician
• Two Handed Weapons
  
• Light Armour 

 

The Hateful Eight - 8 Chaos Warriors

Items:

• Banner
• Two Handed Weapons
• Heavy Armour

 

The Blessed Few - 8 Plaguebearers of Nurgle

Items:

• Plague Swords (1 W = instant death)
• Cloud of Flies
• Daemon Saving Throw

Spells:

• Pillar of Putrefaction (bit of a lemon for these chaps...)
  

 

***

 

The Dwarves

Dwarves. And Halflings. And the brave constables of Averridge.

CHARACTERS

Hesior Thunderbuckle - Dwarf Lord

Items:

• Hand Weapon
• Master Rune of Flight (throw weapon up to 12")
  
• Rune of Cleaving (+1S)
  
• Rune of Parrying (Enemy automatically misses one attack)
  
• Heavy Armour 
• Master Rune of Adamant (+2 Sv)
  
• Rune of Fortitude (+1T)
  
• Talisman
• Master Rune of Spite (4+ Save, if saved, wound is rebounded on enemy)

 

Bofel The Wise - Rune Lord

Items:

• Hand Weapon
• Master Rune of Swiftness (Always attacks first)
  
• Heavy Armour 
• Rune of Resistance (Reroll failed armour save on unmodified 4+)
  
• Rune of Stone (+1 Sv)
  
• Talisman
• Rune of the Furnace (Immune to fire based damage)
  

 

Tuvith Thunderbuckle - Dwarf Hero

Items:

• Hand Weapon
• Rune of Might (Double strength if enemy toughness greater than his)
• Crossbow
  
• Light Armour 
• Rune of Stone (+1 Sv)

 

Thrassuid Gravelhood - Battle Standard Bearer

Items:

• Hand Weapon
• Shield
  
• Heavy Armour
• Battle Standard
• Master Rune of Stromni Readbeard (+1 Combat resolution for all friendly units within 12") 

 

Josef Bugman - Dwarf Hero

• Hand Weapon
• Rune of Cleaving (+1 S)
• Rune of Fury (+1 A)
  
• Crossbow
• Shield
  
• Light Armour 
• Rune of Resistance (Reroll failed armour save on unmodified 4+)
  
• Bugman's Tankard (Recover 1 W per drink, 3 uses per game)

 

'Owd' Tom Thyksson - Champion

Items:

• Hand Weapon
• Two-Handed Weapon 
• Crossbow
  
• Shield
  
• Light Armour

 

Captain Roland Prangle - General of the Empire

Items:

• Blade of Leaping Copper (+1 A)
• Golden Helm of Atrazar (2+ Sv)
  

Spells:

• Raise the Dead 
• Vanhels Dans Macabre

 

Elrich Lang - Master Wizard of the Grey Order

Items:

• Destroy Magic Scroll
  

Spells:

• The Crown of Taidron
  
• Bridge of Shadows
• Radiance of Ptolos

 

TROOPS

The Thunderbuckle Household Guard - 11 Hammerers

Led by Hesior Thunderbuckle

Items:

• Banner
• Musician
• Two Handed Weapons
• Hand Weapons
• Shields
  
• Heavy Armour
  

 

The Grand Companie of The Long Beard - 13 Longbeards

Led by Thrassuid Gravelhood

Items:

• Musician
• Hand Weapons
• Shields
  
• Heavy Armour

 

The 7th Thunderbuckle Light Brigade - 9 Dwarf Warriors

Led by Bofel The Wise

Items:

• Banner
• Musician
• Hand Weapons
• Shields
  
• Light Armour

 

Tuvith's Scouting Party - 4 Dwarf Warriors

Led by Thuvith Thunderbuckle

Items:

• Musician
• Hand Weapons
• Crossbows
  
• Light Armour

 

Bugman's Dwarf Rangers - 8 Dwarf Warriors

Led by Josef Bugman

Accompanied by 'Owd' Tom Thyksson

Items:

• Banner
• Musician
• Hand Weapons
• Two-Handed weapons
• Crossbows
  
• Shields
  
• Light Armour

 

The Averridge 1st Company of the Constabulary - 29 Imperial Halberdiers

Led by Captain Roland Prangle

Items:

• Banner
• Halberds
• Shields
  
• Light Armour

 

WAR MACHINES

 

Big Jessie - Cannon 

Items:

• Halfling Crew
  

 

***

 

The next post will cover the battle itself.

***

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2016 - The Year of Mediocrity

Hi.

Happy New Year, I guess. 

Better late than never. I mean, if you wait long enough, it will be a new year somewhere, right? Now that I think about it, maybe you should check your ego at the door - its entirely possible I wasn't talking about your calendar...

Like many, I got around to a little contemplation, in the fashion that only new years get one to do.

I though about world peace. I thought about cancer. I thought about losing weight. I thought about where I might get some new weight to replace the lost weight. I thought about family. I thought about my spiritual existence.

And I thought about this blog.

Now the thing that has been plaguing me about this blog, which I didn't realise until 2016's round of contemplation, is perfectionism. The desire to do the best possible thing, for the most impact, with the highest quality. 

"Perfectionism?" I hear you bark at me. "PERFECTIONISM?"

"Maybe if you suffered from a bit more perfectionism, Skullzinschitte would be finished. New figures would be painted and we wouldn't have to look at the same bloody figures repurposed purely through the awesome power of narrative. What we're thinking, Gaj, if we're honest, is perhaps a little bit MORE perfectionism!"

Well, I didn't mean it quite like that. What I mean, is that I tend not to get around to posting updates here, because I don't think I've done enough work to deliver a quality post. 

To deliver something you'd actually like to read. 

So. 

Perfectionism. 

That son of a bitch. 

I intend to combat it. I could hardly leave you here with this explosive revelation and then just wander off, my mind at ease. And whilst I can't promise to slouch over to Blogger once a week to deliver a casually sub-standard post, I'll do my level best to try. 

2016 is the year of mediocrity. 

Huzzah!

So what I have is pictures of unpainted lead. Very low bar today. One has some greenstuff on it.

This paunchy fellow is called Mancrates. Mancrates* popped into existing when discussing an unusual contact from Man Crates (an organization that sells crates for men, a situation devised entirely to relieve the millions of crateless men out there, or alternatively, to supply a unique gift that men have to break in to) over on the Oldhammer Facebook group.

It was, in fact, Captain Crooks, from the Antipodes and Funky Wenis Rodeo, that created our fat philosopher. I'm fairly sure that his honorific of UN Ambassador of Awesomeness will be coming through any day now. Captain Crooks', that is, not Mancrates, who is a tiny static pewter figure and whilst singularly amazing in my eyes, probably falls far short of the requirements to become a UN Ambassador, which are vast and diverse. Captain Crooks will certainly have his work cut out for him.

Look, the back of Mancrates. I am thinking of putting a small cat on his base too.

As part of my commitment to low quality, imperfect posts, however, I will not include a picture of the cat, but rather, just let you imagine the thing.

Next up, is a Mummy on a Manticore. It is my opinion that every fashion conscious mummy should get one - it is absolutely the must have accessory of 2016.

Look - it's not even finished being sculpted yet! Hows that for low quality, eh? I'll be putting something under those feet soon. For now, just wire. Pure, imperfect wire.

You might recognize the candidate Manticore as the visually defective creature that Dieter von Helsnicht uses to get around. This one:

And another angle. Because you really need to appreciate this...

....manticore.

Anyway, I've repositioned limbs, I've cleared out all the lead between the teeth and the claws, I've removed most of the mane and started to re-sculpt it so that it doesn't look like a cat that's just discovered a cucumber sneaking up on it.

The main element for me is the considerable learnings I'm making around green stuff. This is the first time where I've used green stuff in stages, to build something up and then have to come back to it once that base is dry.

I always thought sculptors were special people, but I have  a whole new respect for them: sculpting is hard!

Now if one was to present their 3rd edition oldhammer credentials to me and propose that, outside of narrative being king, that Mummies are not characters and therefore don't have access to monsters to ride and the fact that they're stupid when uncontrolled and can't actually choose manticores in Warhammer Armies anyway, so stop being a dick, Gaj, I guess I'd have to agree.

Mummies cannot 'officially' (hah!) ride Manticores in 3rd edition.

But they can in 4th edition...

Anyway. I'll just leave that there. Because I'm now an imperfect blogger who just leaves things lying around for no explanation. Why - yes, thank you - I appreciate your encouragement.

In other 4th edition news, I have also recently taken ownership of a shit-tonne (it was spelled wrong, which is probably why it was archived) of Skaven. I guess the box doesn't really tell the story, but the blister packs are 4 deep and there are loose skaven above and below them too.

I am also nursing interests in 4th edition High Elves and 4th edition Orcs and Goblins. Over and above my 3rd edition High Elves and 3rd edition Orcs & Goblins. And the Chaos. And the Dark Elves. And The Empire. And, uh, Lichemaster.

I will get there.

No, really. I will.

So there we have it. Unpainted lead, half arsed plans, and not a single word more on Skulzinschitte. Coupled with that a dangerous fascination with Middle Hammer and The Red Era of the Cheerleader Pose declared publicly - a decidedly imperfect post indeed.

Welcome to Warhammer for Adults 2016 - The Year of Mediocrity**.

*Y'know? Like Socrates?

**It might perchance be that you already thought the blog was quite substandard and that mediocrity was the order of the day. In that case, prepare to have those experienced mined out and collapsed as we explore a whole new level of underwhelmingness. Look, I just made up a word!

Skulzinschitte: The Harvesters of Chaos

In our last post, we considered the glorious throng of the Doomlord himself, Dieter Helsnicht. In this next (but hardly final) instalment of our exploration of 4th edition, we cast our eyes to his hated enemy: Luther Vangross, Champion of Nurgle.

But then I realised something.

The name is a pun.

And 4th edition, as you may recall, is not about puns. Or wit. Or subtlety of any variety.

No. 4th edition is about SKULLS! And BLOOD! Oh, and SKULLS! No longer do our words stem from the subtle satire that can be generated from the world around us. Instead, they stem from the basic, banal, almost primal grunting of fantasy as told by thirteen year olds. Our words express intent, whilst still attempting to convey the sheer awesomeness and undiluted fantastical... well, fantasy. Thus, we append the names of monsters, or weapons and the verbs that describe their application: Axel Daemonpuncher, or Sir Chopfest von Deathcrunch.

Visceral. Unmistakable.

Awesome.

So let's revisit that:

In this next (but hardly final) instalment of our exploration of 4th edition, we cast our eyes to his hated enemy: Irongrind Dragonhacker, Champion of Nurgle.

The Harvesters of Chaos

Characters

Irongrind Dragonhacker, Champion of Nurgle (Chaos Lord)

Equipment: Nurgle's Cloud of Flies, Chaos Armour, Mark of Nurgle

345 Points

Count Mordrek the Damned (Chaos Lord)

Equipment: Sword of Change, Chaos Armour, Living Damnation, Shield, Chaos Steed, Barding

424 Points

Hornlust Sinbiter (Master Sorcerer of Slaanesh)

Equipment: Chaos Armour, Chaos Familiar, Mark of Slaanesh

Spells: Acquiescence, Slicing Shards of Slaanesh, Chaos Spawn

300 Points

Skullscreamer the Sly (Sorcerer Champion of Nurgle)

Equipment: The Chalice of Chaos, Chaos Armour, Mark of Nurgle

Spells: Shrivelling Pox, Miasma of Pestilence

211 Points

Regiments

6 Chaos Knights

Equipment: Chaos Armour, Shield, Chaos Steed, Barding, Standard

546 Points









8 Chaos Warriors

Equipment: Chaos Armour, Two Handed Weapons, Standard

288 Points

3 Trolls

Equipment: None

195 Points

4 Chaos Hounds

Equipment: None

64 Points

Note: Yes, the picture is from a different photo 'shoot' and there is no beastmaster for the unit. I, uh, forgot to take a picture of the hounds. 

 

Daemons

6 Plaguebearers

Equipment: Plague Swords

Spells: Stream of Corruption, Fly Swarm

Allies

Grom the Paunch of Misty Mountain (Goblin Warlord)

Equipment: Axe of Grom, Light Armour, Chariot, Niblit

257 Points

Goblin Chariot

Equipment: Scythes, Shields, Short Bows

87 Points

16 Goblins

Equipment: Short Bows, Shields

56 Points

16 Goblins

Equipment: Short Bows, Shields

56 Points

20 Goblins

Equipment: Light Armour, Shields, Standard, Musician

85 Points

Broggin Thicke (A Stone Troll, courtesy of that fine figure of a man, Airbornegrove)

Equipment: None

65 Points










Army Totals:

Characters: 1280 Points (41%)
Rank and File: 1093 Points (35%)
Daemons: 150 Points (5%)
Allies: 606 Points (19%)

A brief note on the selection of special characters:

Special characters. Surely one of the most important concepts introduced into the later editions of Warhammer. Whilst in 3rd edition, the thing that made your characters special was you, in 4th edition, the thing that made them special was Games Workshop. In some cases (say, Dieter Helsnicht), there was nothing special about them at all. You could recreate the character from the army list with exactly the same capabilities for exactly the same cost - they were only special because they had a name.

But in the list above, we see not just one special character, but two! Characters who have something that is not otherwise available in the army list.

One of a kind, one might say.

Apart from one or two (Grom and Eltharion, specifically), I must be honest: I don't like special characters. I really struggle to relate to the super hero like problem of all these one-in-a-bajillion type of characters all being alive and in the same place at the same time, with nothing to do with their amazing super powers than harass and frustrate each other over immature and frankly pointless schemes. I just can't see Nagash waking up to escort 120 skeletons on a patrol to see what Emperor Karl Franz is up to whilst on his morning stroll with his 130 strong body guard.

And I don't like Grom and Eltharion because they're special characters. I like Grom and Eltharion because they come with a narrative which creates an excellent backdrop for gaming a story.

But, because this exercise is objective, academic and arguably (semi) archeogaming, I felt compelled to include special characters, because they were so very exciting and new in 4th edition.

And also, I had the figures.

In the next post, I shall craft a reason for these two forces (and their epic super hero special characters!) to come together at the ill-fated hamlet of Skulzinschitte,

As if you needed a reason in 4th edition...