Tuesday 20 February 2024


Pictures, apparently, paint a thousand words. 

Here is a story of Stokesy the tank:

It’s a Ramshackle Games tank. A Rhebok APC, as I recall. I think it can come with wheels too. I forget where it came from, but it was a gift to me from another oldhamerererererer. 

It is comprised chiefly of two almost solid blocks of resin. 

So it’s heavy. 

But, it cleaned up nicely enough. It is a mighty, and heavy, thing. There was more pinning than I would have expected - the tracks are pinned to the body to ensure they can hold it up. 

Amongst other pins. 

I intend for this vehicle to serve the squats. 

So, I was going to paint it in the greenish colour they’re in. I was inspired by Vietnam / WW2 Pacific theatre tanks. 

But the tank had other ideas. By the time I realised what was going on, I had painted it like an IKEA duvet cover. 

But, it kinda goes with this whole red planet thing I’m beginning to converge on. 

I suspect I knew that all along, but just refused to admit it to myself. 

Anyway, the squats liked it. They called it ‘Stokesy’.  Olivia seems willing to tolerate it for now. 

I’m thinking graveyards are in vogue right now. So we’ll look at those next time:

Wednesday 7 February 2024

Snow White and the Seven Squats

I have a confession to make.

Also: happy new year, sorry for not blogging etc, etc.

My confession: I don’t like squats. Either the exercise (although by all accounts they are spectacularly good for you), or the 40k species (although by all accounts they are also spectacularly good for you).

Well, I didn’t like squats. I …kinda do, now.

In a breathtaking show of wisdom and love, The Minister of the Interior got me a job lot of 4th Ed high elves for Christmas. To go with the other elves, you see. I have plans for elves.

But whilst I was thoroughly enjoying the remodelling of the phoenix guard that I started over the holiday, I was constantly drawn to a surprise entry in the job lot - a little squad of squats and some space pirates.

I could not stop looking at these squats. They looked like the most professional military operators in the  whole RT universe. They needed to be painted. 


But of the space pirates … well, mercenaries specifically - there were only four. And four would never do. No - five is what was required, and so after scouring the internet for lots of hours looking for the perfect 5th mercenary and generally wasting time, I realised I already have the perfect mercenary.

Olivia Neutron-Bomb. 

One of the Bring Out Your Lead figures. I should know … I’ve been there a few times now.

So, one thing led to another.

And another.

…and another.

You get the idea.

So you may have noticed that Olivia is a little monotone. That is intentional, with the lovely side effect of be easy to paint. Because the good lady is essentially black and white in the book, I was taken with the idea of trying to pay homage to her possibility. Some colour was needed, so I went with a “Schindler’s List” style of single colour, using only red. 

And then, because I had a camera, some figures and some time… I took some pictures.

They’re behiiiiiind you…

Snow White and the Seven Squats?

Olivia Neutron-Bomb and Psycho Sam

Downright irresponsible leaving those squats in there. Those elves are on a hard RT back burner now…

No, nothing to see here.

Monday 3 January 2022

Battle Report: The Vampyr of the Riding: Turn 4


Narrative & Army Lists
Turn 1
Turn 2
Turn 3
Turn 4


Turn 4: Undead

As you no doubt know, the common skeleton can muster 4" of regular movement, pushing that to a jaw-dropping 8" on the charge. 

8" was hardly going to hit the Hammerers on the bridge.

But, you may not know, the humble vampire - of which Danni is one - can manage a much more thrilling 6" move, resulting in a breakneck charge of 12" - exactly the sort of thing that could result in the sudden death of of some dwarfs exploring a bridge. 

And so, screeching a cry of "HEROHAMMER!", Danni charged alone into the rear if the Thunderbuckle Household Guard.

We decided that Hesior couldn't issue a challenge this turn because he was in the rank facing away from the Vampire Lord.

The Hateful Eight (Five?) rallied, reforming in front of the bridge and establishing a future hammer for the vampiric anvil that had just arrived. 
Chaos Warriors lie in wait...

The Reapers reposition to close in on the reformed Longbeards

Having already set expectations with Matt for the mediocrity of a Tomb King and the power of the Manticore, we fully expected A Certain Outcome in the combat with the Light Brigade. What neither of us had anticipated (certainly, I had forgotten) was just how rich the stat line of the average Rune Lord happened to be. Given that we had spoken about challenges we had discussed the Warhammer practice of neutralising powerful characters with challenges to preserve rank and prevent casualties (a thing repaired in later versions with overkill, as I recall). As a result of that conversation, I decided that Bofel wouldn't issue a challenge, if nothing else to allow Matt to experience what a fully wired Manticore could do in combat. He decided to split attacks: half on Bofel, the ancient Rune Lord, and half on the unit itself.

What transpired was less inspiring. Between Mihartiskaphut and the Manticore, they managed a single would on the Light Brigade. The rest of the Light Brigade watched in amazement, though, as Bofel beat six shades of shit out of the manticore, because, well, he was just so much stronger than we anticipated! 

And also rolled some sixes. He's not THAT strong, after all. Just stronger than we anticipated.

Fortunately, Mihartiskaphut was resolved to fight to the (re)death, and stubbornly passed his break test.


Danni's charge resulted in a much more predictable outcome: Hammerers formed ranks as they looked to protect Hesior from the Vampire - but to no avail. Their eyes were still wide with shock as their heads sailed from their necks, or their bodies were launched into the river from the bridge: four dwarfss crumpled like paper before the wrath of the Vampire. 

Hesior bade his dwarfs stand aside: he knew this was his fight alone. Inspired, the Hammerers passed their break test and prepared for their lord's retaliation.

Both the Undead and the Dwarfs denied each other any opportunity to cast with well played dispel cards.

Turn 4: Dwarfs

Darkness was closing in as the day waned. The Longbeards refused their flank to the approaching Undead, but the lines were otherwise set.

Final Positions

A view of the field

The Longbeards reposition themselves to face the Reapers, again preferring width to depth

Bugman's Rangers try firing at the Chaos Warriors, but at that range no bolt found a target

Big Jessie, was primed and ready to go. The halflings had cleared her down, re-aligned her and cheered as she launched six pounds of solid iron at the skeletons of the 1st Companie of Averridge. The ball crunched into the middle of the unit, disintegrating one, and only one, skeleton, before digging itself firmly in the ground just in front of the second.

This time, Bofel did issue a challenge because HEROHAMMER!!

Mihartishaphut and the Manticore again were outclassed by Bofel, who chose to panel the Tomb Lord into, well, the manticore, one supposes. Three wounds were lost to Mihartiskaphut then - not enough to (re)kill him, but certainly enough to cause him to ponder his life (death?) choices. The manticore was able to bite through all of Bofel's considerable experience and defence, causing a single wound to the old dwarf. Again, the tomb king refused to flee, and the two units remained locked in combat.

Hesior issued a challenge (HEROHAMMER!!!). Danni perceived the slight confusion on his face before he heard the words he hated most. 

"But, you're not a woman..." started the dwarf lord. Danni was on him in a shot, rage pouring into every blow as he battered Hesior. 

The dwarf was made of stern stuff, blocking what he could and receiving with stoic grunting that which he could not, in the end only taking one wound. Danni's eyes widened as the dwarf returned the courtesy, suffering two wounds in the process.

Both generals hold

One might argue that Danni's concentration was off because even as he battled Hesior on the bridge, he was raking Elrich's mind (HERO!!! HAMMER!!!), snatching from him The Radiance of Ptolos in a final Mental Duel. No other magic took place, with Elrich barely managing to counter anything the vampire tried to achieve.


Those who bore witness to the terrible battle on the bridge attest to the might of dwarf and the vampyr, who smote each other with such force as to crack the very bridge itself and cause waves in the river below.

They say that the deadlock was broken by the Grey Wizard who accompanied the constables and their allies that day: he was moved to rescue Captain Prangle and whichever surviving residents of Averridge there remained. 

Realising the undead had the advantage and that they were enveloping the dwarf position, he called forth a bridge of shadow and compelled the dwarf commander and his personal guard to follow it to safety. The vampyr did not deign to pursue them. instead regrouping his wicked forces and ordering them to continue the march westward on the road to Shoodthorpe. 

The dwarfs, accepting the ancient wisdom of living to fight another day, themselves withdrew north of the field, skirting around the silent undead, who ignored them as they passed.

Captain Prangle was found to be alive and well, having gathered no fewer than thirteen constables from their rout into the safety of a nearby forest. Although the Imperial and Dwarf forces had neither apprehended the vampyr nor stopped the undead advance, their spirits remained high: their small force, being still well provisioned and not overly fatigued, was now behind the undead army; well positioned for a reprisal if they acted with courage and resolution. 

Also, their champions had faced both a vampyr and a manticore in single combat, and both had distinguished themselves admirably.

The matter most paramount on Captain Prangle's mind was to send warning to Shoodthorpe, so that they may have time to prepare. To this end, the wizard conjured a steed of shadow, which carried him west through the night, in order that Shoodthorpe would have the time to prepare for The Vampyr of The Riding...


There we have it. Many thanks for holdng on long enough to read this post - I forgot how much work it ended up being to do this sort of thing and had not yet thought to adjust the load in my life - y'know, just before Christmas. It was fun to put together a report again and I hope to do something similar again soon. 

I'll definitely focus on better lighting and making sure the pictures are clear of clutter. I'll also take actual notes instead of having to use the pictures to recreate the crime scene like a fantasy CSI unit. 

I look forward to using 4th edition again - I also look forward to getting some more imperial figures painted in a hope to continue this narrative... somewhere. 


Narrative & Army Lists
Turn 1
Turn 2
Turn 3
Turn 4


Friday 24 December 2021

Battle Report: The Vampyr of the Riding: Turn 3


Narrative & Army Lists
Turn 1
Turn 2
Turn 3
Turn 4


Turn 3: Undead

Let the map be evidence that the poor Plague Bearers managed to slog their across nomansland and to the other side of the river. Of especial importance is the fact that Mihartiskaphut remained still, looking to capitalise on the impact of the terror tests the Manticore would cause in the dwarf turn.

The Undead right flank redresses the line.

The zombies reform whilst Scuttlebotch moves in behind Lord Helke and The Reapers of Fairie Tor

The net closes in around the Longbeards.

But the Hammerers keep the threat of the Chaos Warriors at bay

A view of the lines

So remember that thing about dice with hard-to-read pictures? Here's two more dice. What's the context? The context is that Danni managed to cast Vanhel's Dans Macabre on the Reapers. 

He used that to cause the Reapers to charge the Longbeards. 

We weren't sure if we should roll fear or not (the charge happening as it does in the magic phase), but the impression we came away with was that the spell enabled a move or a charge move (amongst other things) which would have the typical reactions available to it. 

So, I rolled for fear. The target number was 10 or less. I scored an epic double six, the Longbeards pretty much accepted they were too old for this shit, promptly voted with their feet (52% voting leave, 48% remain) and rolled a spectacular nine for their 'tactical' withdrawal.

The Reapers didn't have the range to catch them, so their charge petered out into an uneventful, albeit enthusiastic, shuffle.

It LOOKS like a double one. It's not.

Did you know the collective noun for Lonbeards is a 'confusion'?

4,500 years of dwarven life experience hurtle past the manticore, hoping to secure another 4,500...

Turn 3: Dwarfs

Turn 3 for the dwarfs led to uncharacteristic aggression, with two key charges taking place. 

Also, remember that terror test the manticore wanted to cause?

The dwarfs passed them.

Also, check out that cannon shot!

Turn 3 was, quite literally, pivotal for the dwarfs. The Household Guard charged the Chaos Warriors, before the Longbeards (who had rallied) and the Thunderbuckle Light Brigade pivoted to get the Manticore into their charge arc.

The Longbeard's new position is much more advantageous.

Everyone has eyes on the hill, though. It's almost as if they'd all seen a battle from a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, where the high ground was particularly advantageous for those looking to retain their limbs...

Fortunately, Big Jessie's crew had managed to get their shit in order, interpreting the mystical sequence of powder, ball and fire correctly and placing a direct hit on the Manticore!

That's what you get if you want to go swanking around the place on an orange manticore!

The ball hit the manticore (as opposed to the mummy), but was only able to deal one wound to the powerful animal.

In other news, three more plague bearers were shot down in cold blood whilst going for an afternoon stroll in the eastern fields. This brings the total number of plague bearers murdered to eight, with the police still investigating. Reports indicate the murders could be linked to an altercation between some dwarfs and undead earlier in the day. Police are calling for any witnesses to step forward.
Actual footage of one of the most rare of dwarven events: the charge.

Hesior and the Household Guard hit the chaos warriors hard. Given their reduced frontage of four and the use of double handed weapons, the fact that three chaos warriors were killed should not be wasted on the reader. The Hateful Eight (well, Five...) were able to kill a dwarf in response, but the rapidity and efficacy of the dwarf charge ultimately overwhelmed the overconfident chaos warriors and they fled. Fortunately for them, they were easily able to outpace the hammerers, who only made it to the middle of the bridge in pursuit. 

Actual footage of the more common dwarven event: the failed pursuit.

Mihartiskaphut, confident the dwarfs cannot outmanouevre him, waits arrogantly in amongst the dwarf line...

Not pictured here, but visible in the next turn, is the successful cast of The Bridge of Shadows on the Thunderbuckle Light Brigade, giving them a full tilt charge at the manticore! Channeling our inner Lord of the Rings again, we are reminded of the time when Aragorn is asked to hurl Gimli at the orcs because he can't cross the distance himself. Founded, then, in that long but unspoken understanding between Men and Dwarfs, Elrich easily understood the enthusiastic gestures Bofel the Wise was making, and supplied the necessary boost, allowing the Light Brigade to get in on some manticore action!

Join us next time for the Turn 4: The Final!


Narrative & Army Lists
Turn 1
Turn 2
Turn 3
Turn 4