Friday 24 February 2012

Trades / Sales

We're nearly done with Turn 3 of The Shadow of Koles Lorr, but whilst we wait for that to complete, I thought I would use your rapt attention to flog my stuff.

Well, trade, hopefully. Anyway, check out my new Trades / Sales page, and let me know if you have anything I'm looking for (and want to shift - don't just boast about the fact that you have one and I don't - that's just cruel!).

In some cases, as you can see - I have no idea what the hell the thing is - I would cheerfully welcome any and all goes at identifying the figures, or corrections, or whatever.

Sunday 19 February 2012

Realms of Chaos: Er...mish-mash?

Sometimes, when left lone for long enough, I commit my mind to feats of brilliance. We've had no progress in the Battle of Koles Lorr (and alas, no update tonight), so this afternoon, I found myself left alone for long enough. I pondered over the cure for cancer, refining my experiments in this area. I thought about the piracy issue in Somalia and of the solution to that land's difficulty. I drafted up a potential plan for the Euro and what the chaps over in Brussels ought to be doing to get out of the sticky mess Europe finds itself in. I offered some marriage advice to some people.

All in all, pretty humdrum stuff.

But then undiluted brilliance hit me with its full force: I have some painted goblins!

Let me explain: before, when I used to play Warhammer 6, I made use of a goblin army. No orcs, just goblins. These hordes were all crafted from the awful plastics produced for the 6th ed. release. In the end, I sold that army, to return to the one true way, which turns out to be several kilograms heavier.

But, I kept some of the more special figures. Special to me, that is. They were hardly remarkable on the field, let me tell you (apart from Manny - more on him later).

So, moving on, I realised that if I added those remaining few goblins to my collection of Groms, I could  scrape a unit of 10!

Following that train of thought, I realised that I could then use these little fella's as chaos goblins - either as an ally contingent, or just as some followers of a Chaos Champion from Realms of Chaos.

By now, my tiny mind was in overdrive. Unable to draw the brilliance to a halt, I then conceived an even further element of inspiration: What if Grom (the chariot based one) could be used as a Chaos Champion? There are many chaos gifts that can render a champion immobile, resulting in that champion needing to use a cart or a chariot.

Being far too generous to keep this idea to myself, I immediately set about taking a picture of what that could look like:

Anything can become a Realms of Chaos Warband...

But still, brilliance was bursting from every pore and bouncing off the walls. What if I allied my Undead with that Chaos Warband?

So I took a picture of that little scenario:

Realms of Chaos Warband and Friends

And then focussed on specific areas, because that picture was awful:

The Left Flank

The Right Flank

The goblins that caused it all. Essentially, three Groms, a Skarsnik from the 90's and assorted war machine crews. I had to rebase the non-Groms, but such a small effort enables so much! Of course, once I've painted up my 80's goblins, these ones will be decommissioned, with the exception of Skarsnik (4th ed's close enough, and besides, there's Grom too!), Manny and Weazil. More on those famous personalities below.

What other dominant chaos attribute could it be but Enormously Fat?

You would have seen these dwarves before. Unfortunately, I had a modelling accident, in that I held the matt varnish spray can too close to the two chaps on the left, resulting in their faded out looks. I'm not really sure of applying any gloss will help, or if I need to fix them with paint touch-ups (advice welcome) but I will need to do something to restore them to their cheery selves...

Chaos Dwarves

Grim Reapers and the Necromancer

Skeleton Warriors (of the Nightmare Legion)

An Enormously Fat Chaos Champion called ... Grom

Manny and Weazil. You're unlikely to know them, but these are the very definitions of Special Characters as GW would have you believe. Together, they formed the core leadership of the afore mentioned Goblin army. Manny was the general of the force, but was only a hero level character (35 points - he totalled 39 with his shield and his chainmail) - not a lord. Greatest of all his accolades (and there are many) was his defeat of a blood thirster in a challenge. With no magic weapons. Granted, the blood thirster didn't flee, so Manny had to spend another round with it, which turned out for the worst, but imagine the look on the guys face when he realised that his blood thirster had just taken a wound from a goblin, for none received. Priceless, as those clever chaps from Mastercard say. Manny was named from two sources:

1: The leader of the orc army in the 3rd edition scenario 'Forenronds Last Stand' is an orc called Mandraks the Murderer. The name has stuck with me forever, so it seemed right that a more diminutive version of the Mandraks name lead the goblins.

2: Making a second reference to Flintloque - the goblins in that world are positioned as being the occupants of Portugal - that is, the Portuguese. At the time, I knew enough Manny's to go with the stereotypical Portuguese name and stamp my goblin leader with it.

Manny and Weazil

Weazil was the army banner bearer. He was modelled to have the something-or-other red rowdy banner, which gave +1 leadership to everyone. You may note that my online moniker on most forums has been taken from this brave little goblin, who has controlled the discipline of thousands of goblins across all sorts of theatres with his calm, collected presence and the vigourous waving of his banner.

From the back...

Weazil is an unmodified figure from the current edition metal goblin chariot.

Manny is actually a grot from 40k. I picked the figure because I loved the fact that he was shouting. Of course, his main job as a general was to shout at the whole army, but this figure was especially chosen, because Manny's main body guard came in the shape of three very large and very stupid stone trolls (sadly, no longer with us...). Suffice to say, those trolls required an awful lot of Manny's vocal guidance. Imagine, if you will, Manny's exasperated voice as he directs the trolls in the actual direction he wanted them to go...

Here he is with an original, unmodified grot:

Manny now and Manny then...

So what we have here is a ... well, mish mash of stuff. It's lots of painted figures all stuck together and crowbarred into a Realms of Chaos force of some sort. Because I could...

Anyway, hopefully there will be more on the business of Koles Lorr soon, but thanks for stopping by!

Saturday 11 February 2012

Battle Report: The Shadow of Koles Lorr - Turn 2

Many people died to bring you this report. 

Dwarves, specifically.

This is where things were after Turn 1:

The Movement Phase

Both forces continued forward, as aggressively as possible. So aggressive were the orcs, in fact, that Krunk's Crushers charged the Night Bottom boys in an attempt to get them moving!

Also (try to imagine this in slow motion, possibly with epic, tragic classical music playing), The Coohrs Light Foote regiment stepped into the line of sight of the Man Mangler...

On the left flank, Ruger's Troll Slayers continue to move up, determined to meet their fate.


"Well, boys, I feel like I should issue some sort of apology, really. Not seeing any trolls at all," Ruger said whilst surveying the field. "I really thought this lot would have some."

Heckler stepped forward and patted Ruger on the shoulder. "Don't worry, chief, you did your best. I'm sure we could find a suitable fate somewhere here today. Stiff upper lip and all that."

Ruger grunted. "Mmm. Stiff upper lip, quite right."

"Actually, I'm sort of glad, really," Wesson said. "Wasn't too sure about the whole troll thing, really."

The other dwarves all stopped and turned to look at him. Wesson shuffled nervously. 

Ruger cocked an eyebrow. "Not sure what you mean, son?"

"I'm just, y'know, having doubts about the whole slayer thing. It all sounded fun when I signed up, but now here we are, and the weathers crap, and I'm cold and hungry and there's a whole lot of angry orcs just over there. Just - seems a lot, is all."

Smith gripped Wesson's shoulders in each hand and shook him. "Pull yourself together, dwarf! This is your big moment! If you try hard, and stay focussed, you could die today! Just imagine!" Smith's eyes started to glaze over as he pointed at the approaching goblins. "Imagine charging into those goblins. You swing this way and that, but its no use.

"You kill four, maybe six, but they overpower you, forcing you to the ground. Still you fight, but their numbers never end. Kicking and biting, they spill your blood on the ground. Ever weaker, you hack and hack and hack, until one of them chops your hand off. Even then, you beat them with the wet stump, all the while bleeding to death. Eventually, greatness comes. Your eyes shut and cough your last blood choked breath..."

Ruger, Heckler and Koch all stared at Smith in wonder. 

Koch wiped away a tear. "I'll miss you when you're gone, buddy!"

"What? WHAT!" Wesson cried. "Listen to yourselves! How the hell did you guys even get here? What did you do that was so bad that you want to get killed out here for it!" 

"Cheating in my senior khazalid literature exam," Smith stated. 

"Cut myself shaving," Heckler said, shaking his head. "Dad was so disappointed..."

"My mom caught me touching myself," Ruger said in a matter-of-fact tone. 

Koch bit his lip, overcome with emotion. Ruger put his arm over his shoulder "There, there, Koch. I know its tough, but we can talk about it here. This is a safe place to feel."

Koch nodded. Still choked up, he whispered: "I'm allergic to beer."

Wesson's stood with his mouth open, staring at the others. "I...I don't know what to say."

"What about you?" Ruger's eyes sought out Wesson's. "What's your story?"

Wesson dropped his gaze. "Late library book. Mrs Fletcher was such a bitch about it. She even said she wished I was a troll slayer. I didn't know what else to do..."

The others nodded. "Tough one. Mrs Fletcher's a real cow," Smith said. "Although, I also had late library books once. She said then that she wished I was a toll payer. Maybe, you didn't hear her correctly? Usually, you just pay a toll when they're late, you see?"

Wesson's eyes went wide with horror. "You mean..."

"Look, what's done is done," Ruger said. "Here we are, a brotherhood of slayers, on a field of opportunity. Let's not let this one slip!"

"Aye!" Smith, Heckler and Koch barked. 

"Bitch!" Wesson spat. "Bloody mumbling bitch!"

The others ignored him. 

"Follow me, boys! Today's the day we die!" Ruger yelled, swinging his axe in the direction of the orcs. 

Wesson watched as the others rushed ahead. He sighed. It wasn't even a good book, come to think about it...

The Shooting Phase

Shooting was devastating. In total, twelve dwarves kicked the proverbial bucket. The Man-mangler, the only six man (orc?) stone thrower available in Warhammer Armies, lived up to its name, by scoring a direct hit on the Coohrs Light, mangling seven of that regiment's fine dwarves.

Also, four slayers met their embarrassingly pitiful fate, cheated doubly by the greenskins in that:

a.) there were no trolls
b.) turns out the goblins are pretty good with the bow, so they didn't even get to swing their axes

In return, the dwarves introduced the orc boarboys to time travel, by blowing three of them into next week Wednesday with twelve pounds of iron. Everything else missed, including the Gob-Lobber. The blue cross hairs mark where the stone landed.


"That's odd," Crun Cheenut said, pointing at the orc boar riders. 

"What's that, then?" Orl Branne asked.

"Well, they don't have a banner. I always aim for the banner, see? But they don't have one. Just seems odd."

"I bet they're up to no good. If you don't have a banner, you're busy sneaking, aren't you?"

Crun looked thoughtful. "Yeah. You're probably right. Although, we don't have a banner."

Orl patted the cannon. "No, but I like to think of this as a musical instrument. They know we're here, all right. No sneaking about for us."

Crun laughed. "Too right. Well, we'd better shoot them, before they go off and do something sneaky!"

"Yes. We'll be heroes. No sneaky sneaking whilst we're on the job, eh?"

The two high-fived, before Crun touched the cord with his cigar. 


Unfortunately for Blue, the boarboys cracked under the pressure, panicked, and ran off the table.
Fortunately for Blue, no other units followed suit.
Unfortunately for Blue, the boarboys carted his one and only wizard (that I'm aware of, I suppose), Sensei Milliog, with them.
Fortunately for Blue, I didn't laugh out loud. Much.

The little orange '1' next to the cannon is a heat point. Back in the day (before special dice with special symbols), when kids could do arithmetic, cannons would accumulate heat points. Essentially, the first cannon shot is risk free, but thereafter, heat points will build up. The firing player rolls a d6 and adds the heat points to the roll. If the roll exceeds six, the cannon explodes. Leave the cannon for a turn, and it will cool down, thus losing a heat point.

As you can imagine, dwarf supporters (myself chief amongst them) will be keeping a keen interest in that little orange number.

The Combat Phase

Much like sex on the first date, Blue was able to put out with some Turn 2 combat. Specifically, Krunks Crushers obliged you eager spectators by climbing into The Night Bottom boys, giving them a sound thrashing, managing to traumatise one of them enough for him to stop living.

Predictably, the orcs beat the stuffing out of the goblins, causing them to be pushed back 2". This event, in turn, was just enough to bring the Night Bottom Boys into 8" of the Loane Rangers, causing two crazed, drug-addled loonies to break ranks and launch themselves cackling and screaming at the dwarf line, swinging giant, back-breaking balls of iron.

I've played goblins (that is, just goblins, not orcs and goblins) for about ten years now. I completely forgot about the possibility that he might have fanatics. Never even crossed my mind. Idiot.

The Reserves Phase

Reserves was more of the same, with the two armies just tightening up their lines. Ruger, unfortunately, was unable to do anything clever in order to get away from the fanatic - in 3rd edition, you can't make a reserve move if you are within 4" of an enemy.

As you can imagine, orc supporters (Blue chief amongst them) will be keeping a keen interest in those two fanatics.

One of the things that is proving quite interesting is the middle of the board being completely static, in some sort of bizarre napoleonic shooting match. Also, the fact that both commanders are on the edge of the field is something I haven't seen in a long time.

The Magic Phase

I just put this section here to rub it in. The dwarves didn't bring any wizards, so we're not that concerned one way or the other. Blue elected to bring young Milliog, a wizard, but as you know, he elected to leave with the remaining boar boys once the dwarves explained physics and how important velocity and mass are in that particular field. Unfortunately, Milliog didn't get a single spell off in the game.

Looking at both the battle at the Wyemm Seeyay and this battle, one can see the dramatic difference between the occasional presence of magic in 3rd ed, and the overwhelming sledgehammer it is in 8th.

Anyway, no magic.

This is the state of affairs at the end of turn 2:

Will the dwarf cannon explode? Can Ruger evade the whirling fanatic? Will all of the orcs pass their animosity tests? Tune in next time for The Shadow of Koles Lorr - Turn 3!


Battle Navigation

Turn 2


Sunday 5 February 2012

Battle Report: The Shadow of Koles Lorr - Turn 1

So, after much fuss, we're away. We're picking up pace now and continue to forge on into turn two, but here, finally, is turn one. True enough, these figures have been slowly making their way over the field for most of January, almost frozen in time, making this arguably the longest turn one in the history of Warhammer.

So, these are the forces deployed:

The dwarves have a technical term when describing this many orcs. It starts with 'F' and ends with 'uckload of the bastards'. Clearly, the dwarves have their work cut out for them.

As you may recall, we extended the first turn to Mr Blue (and therefore the orcs), being the newcomer and all.

The movement phase:

Remember, the dwarves had a much more restrictive deployment zone, so the slayers had to deploy in a  'deep' formation, in order to allow them to get moving as soon as the game started.

Anyone who knows anything about orcs, knows about ... that's right, boys and girls (hah!) -  animosity. That meant Blue started rolling dice before we even did anything. 

Animosity in 3rd ed is dramatically different to the later editions, in that it acknowledges that it takes two to tango. So, even if you only fail one test, you will have at least two units stopped and involved in the fracas. Fortunately, Blue failed one animosity test... 


"Ere - look at 'em all, poncing about on dere little piggies. Don't even 'ave a flag, do dey?" grumbled Botoks.

"Oo's poncing about?" Larlog asked.

"Dem!" Botoks jabbed his finger in the direction of Milliog's boar riders.

Larlog thought about the situation a bit. It seemed a little unfair to accuse them of not having a flag - he didn't have a flag either, now that he came to think about it.

Botoks continued. "No flag? 'Ow comes we gotta lug it around and dey don't?"

Larlog realised where Botoks was going now. "Its a, well, its special to carry a flag, see? You're jolly lucky, you are. I bet all der boys wants to be like you!" Larlog beamed at Botoks, pleased with his inspirational flare.

Botoks didn't even blink before turning in the direction of the boar boys to yell. "Yer, see! I gots a flag and I'm special! Wot you got? Huh?"


"Just ignore him," growled Milliog.

"Aww boss!" Anthraks whined. "He's right! How come we don't got no flags?"

"I said, just ignore him! You don't wanna carry nuffin', ok?"

Anthraks glared at Milliog, before dropping his gaze and instead focussed it on the banner. "I wanna be special too..."

Milliog reached over and slapped him on the back of the head. Anthraks winced, not from pain, but embarrassment, as Larlog's Lashers laughed out loud at his fate. He could see Botoks waving his flag furiously at him.

"There, I hit ya, onna head. Now you're special. So shaddup about yer flag! Besides, look up front. You see dat?"

Anthraks followed the direction of Milliog's outstretched finger. The dwarf ranks were parting to reveal one of their famous war machines.

"You know wot it is? Men calls it 'cannon'. Now if you's got a flag an' yer wavin' it all about like Larlog's lot, wot do ya reckon will happen?

Anthraks stared at Larlog's lot as he pondered the question. Larlog and his boys had all stopped now, and were making motions that suggested Anthraks and his lot knew their boars intimately, and in a way quite unfit for decent orcs.

"Dey aint gonna see us, are dey?" Anthraks looked at Milliog. "Dey're gonna shoot cannon at Larlog, aren't dey? Cos of der flag. Dat's why we aint got no flag? Innit?"

Milliog nodded. "Now ya gots it! Let 'em wave dere silly little flag about, we'll see 'oo ends up 'eadless. Like Seesaw 'ere." Milliog jiggled the little skull about, making its jaw chatter.

"Er...well he ain't headless, is he?" Anthraks suggested.

Milliog looked at Seesaw, before shooting a withering gaze at Anthraks. "Don't you listen to dat nasty orc, Seesaw! You're as headless as der best of 'em!"

Anthraks sighed and adjusted himself in his saddle. He thrust his sword in the direction of the dwarves. "Right, boys - ignore Larlog's lot and get on wiv it!".


Larlog watched as Milliog and his boar boys looked away and started moving off. "Awright, Botoks. Dat's enough now."

Botoks was now pointing the flagpole at the boar boys, holding it between his legs , seemingly suggesting that his orchood was quite considerable, and something to be taken seriously by his passing colleagues.

"C'mon, you pig humpers!" he shouted. "Come get some!"

Larlog's boys all laughed at the provocation. Still laughing, Larlog put his hand on Botoks' shoulder. "Awright. Leave 'em be. We's got to get on. Let's be der bigger orc, now, okay?"

Botoks turned away from the boar boys, returning the standard to it's original upright configuration.

"Don't worry boss. I'm der bigger orc, alright..."


The Shooting Phase:

Shooting was relatively quiet. We decided that the war machines would not be able to fire in the first turn, which just left the missile units. Bad shooting all round, really,  but fortunately, the dwarves managed to get the first kill!


Hans watched as the bolt struck home. The orc's head snapped back, before the revolting brute collapsed. He noted with dismay, however, that none of the other Loane Rangers had hit any orcs. 

"What's up, chaps? That wall of green over there isn't a hedge, you know?" 

Clint Westwood looked at his crossbow. "I dunno, Hans. Something up with these, I reckon."

"With the crossbow? You've heard the phrase, right?" Hans' eyes never left the approaching orcs. "A bad workman always blames his tools."

"Nah, he's right," Flyn Teestwood said, nodding as he did so. "You saw all the bolts - all of them went high. And I'm only four feet tall, so when I say high, I mean high!"

"Look, just get your head in the game, okay? I'm not going to die out here for some bloody condiments, just because you lot can't shoot straight. Get your shit in order!"

Lint Eastward looked past Flyn and Clint, and adjusted his hat. "You alright, Hans? Seem a little edgy."

Hans glared at Lint. "Yeah. I am a little edgy, as it turns out! You'd be too, if you'd watched your colleagues skewering rocks and trees with their shots instead of those really, really close orcs, whose vitality and vigour should've been snuffed out fifty paces ago!"

Splint Ystwud patted Hans on the shoulder. "Come on Hans, take it easy, huh? Is this the retirement thing again?"

Hans grunted as he wound the crossbow back. "Yes. Turns out I don't want to die before I retire, so it abso-bloody-lutely is the retirement thing!"

Lint chuckled as he reloaded. "That the tea shop?"

The Rangers laughed. Splint hefted his crossbow and took aim. "Tea ShopPEE. There's a PEE on the end!" Hans shook his head and sighed. 

"Don't worry, Hans," Splint said, raising his own crossbow. "Once this is all done, well all pop down to laugh at you in your little tea shoppy. You'll be back in the army in no time."

Hans took aim for the orcs. "I'll be in bloody jail for shooting you lot, is where I'll be!"


There was no combat (first turn combat is possible in this game, because of the orc animosity), so we moved straight into reserves.

The Reserves Phase:

A rare and beautiful example of equal opportunity employment and inter-racial co-operation in the Orc & Goblin army:

The state of play at the end of the turn:

On to turn two!


Battle Navigation

Turn 1