Sabotage - D(e)ad Tired...

So its been a little while. 

When I started this whole blogging malarkey, I thought I'd be the one that never posted one of those 'I'm not dead' posts. I'd post regularly. I'd do all the things that blogger recommends. There'd be pictures. There'd be gripping commentary on your topic of interest. Cutting wit and devastating insight. 

Okay, there's no need to look at me like that. There have been pictures, okay?

Anyway, here's my 'I'm not dead' post: There were seven of them. One had a cricket bat. They wanted my money. I fought valiantly - I think I broke someone's knuckles with my face and I certainly remember poking someone's finger with my eye. It was glorious, but in the end, I was overcome...

Okay, there's no need to look at me like that. I thought it would make a more interesting story than just saying 'I had stuff to do'. Nothing exciting - no gripping real life problems, just lots of little annoying things that meant the blog was always just on the horizon, but never closer. And, of course, I'm a new dad. I'm using that excuse until she's two. 

So I'm sorry. 

We can still be friends, right?

By way of atonement, I thought I'd rejig the site a bit. That's way better than writing some devastatingly insightful articles. I'll get to those later. Here's a picture:

As you may have noticed, its the new logo for Warhammer For Adults. There is more rejigging to come, mainly around the colours, but layout, streamlining and the new logo are already present. I removed the Why is it Called Warhammer For Adults page. I will write another one, but having re-read the stuff I wrote there, I realised it was a bit too 'ranty' and not enough 'sense'. I know what I wanted to say, but the original page didn't do a good job of conveying that. 

Fortunately, you will not have been starved of interesting events on the blogosphere. 

Back to the rejig. Highlighted in one of the links above is a bloody good idea which I also happened to think of completely independently a few days ago. Although fantasy is my first love,  that marriage-destroying-80s-fanatic Orlygg set off a parallel interest in Rogue Trader. This, combined with my (and yours - you know it) fascination with the Realms of Chaos can lead to only one outcome - a small force of Chaos Renegades. What that means is that I've updated my trades pages. Firstly, they've been split into 'stuff I have' and 'stuff I want'. Secondly, the 'stuff I want' page has Rogue Trader content on it. 

So, if you happen to have some Chaos Renegades lying around (you know, clogging up the drains and whatnot), let me know. 

Also, I've moved the navigation pages. They used to be at the top, but now they are on the left hand side. There's other stuff on the left hand side too. But the navigation links are the main things to care about. That's where the trade pages are...

Finally, I must issue an apology. There were ten comments on my last post, none of which I've responded to. I will redress this shortly, but I think I have an idea of how to proceed with some sort of meeting. I guess that'll be another post, but I want to be sure that you know I'm not just ignoring you. Thanks for the suggestions. 

Sabotage - The Enemy Within!

I lamented in my previous post about the considerable amount of time I've had to allocate from my hobby to my new family. And, try as I might, I've yet to be able to convince my dear daughter that being quiet and lying still is a hugely rewarding activity to be undertaken whenever possible.

I tend to use the word 'sabotage' to describe anything that inhibits hobby time (you know - like life), but almost always, that sabotage comes from elsewhere - an outside source.

Unfortunately, I think I've just gone and sabotaged myself.

Erny, the proprieter of Erny's Place (not to be confused with Ernie's Place) declared that he would start running a Warhammer Fantasy Role Playing campaign. It is to be an online exercise, you see.

Interesting, I thought. I'd like to see how something like that pans out, seeing as I have a vested interest in online 'board' gaming. But then he did something unexpected: he invited people from the internet to play.

And, like James Bond to the arms of an eastern european spy in a bikini, I folded and applied to participate.

Masochism being my new favourite activity, I then thought - I wonder if I could write some sort of journal from the view of the character I play?

So, I've clipped time from my dwindling supply of hobby time in order to play an offline RPG online. And I've proposed to write about it.

The campaign he will be running will be the (apparently) hugely atmospheric The Enemy Within - the first of what I understand is a series of campaigns set in the Old World. We will be using the pre-generated characters the module supplies, and in the end I have elected to play one Wanda Weltschmertz.

Wanda, as you may have guessed, is a woman. And, whilst it may never have been expressly stated, it is now: I am not a woman.

Which brings me on to my role-playing credentials. Like almost all of the the people involved in this hobby, I started with Dungeons and Dragons (the Rules Cyclopedia, if you must know), before discovering the joy of lead. I was young and I didn't really understand the difference between role-playing and roll-playing. I wasn't entirely clear why my strength 18(99) minotaur dragon knight fighter/mage couldn't carry 10,000 pieces of gold and 500 feet of rope in his pockets, whilst hefting two vorpal axes of berserker rage with extra giant strength (+5/+10 vs undead).

Later on, when I started mastering games, I realised what role-playing really was. But by then, it was too late. The problem with roll-playing is it quickens the route to meta-gaming. Very quickly, I realised that I couldn't 'unknow' the things I knew. All my characters knew that killing trolls involved fire - even though they'd never seen a troll before.

But, throughout the D&D, I never ever played a female character. Or even a human character.

At this point, I'd suggest my credentials are, at best, dubious.

Now I've kicked around the fantasy world a bit. Been around the block a few times. I know Wanda probably looks like this:

Or this:

...because that's what fantasy women look like, right? I mean, the fantasy we're talking about here is not the fantastic, is it?

This is the drawing from the module that Erny provided:

I mean, its very 80's, but she's in the ballpark, right?

But a casual conversation with someone regarding WFRP set me straight. Apparently, the old world is a dark place. It is the historical medieval world, but with extra hopelessness and darkness thrown in. He advised that something like this might be more appropriate:

He also mentioned mud. Lots of mud in the Old World, apparently:

Anyway, this is another drawing of Wanda from the module:

Whilst there's nothing to say she isn't wearing a plate mail g-string, I would suggest that's probably not the case. I imagine she would call that garment she's wearing a 'frock'.

Her special skills are that she can read and write. Look - she has a handbag. And she's not afraid to use it!

Back to WFRP. I've never played it. Ever. I remember picking up the book once, paging through, and taking note that necromancers will eventually develop a funny smell and that children and small animals will avoid them. Apart from that, I know nothing. 

So, I know nothing about WFRP and I know nothing about playing a woman. And, just because I've had a recent brush with pregnancy, doesn't mean I'll only draw on that experience and act irrationally and emotionally. I'll park my horse badly and buy lots of shoes too. 

My point is that, for Erny (the GM), I should make the ideal player - because I know nothing. He could tell me anything and I would have to believe him. I can never say something like "1d6? I'm sure it says 2d6 in the description..."

In short, my role-playing credentials are second to none.

Sabotage!

Its been a while since I posted last. If you're like me, perhaps by this point you'd be thinking, "well, its been a little while now. Either he's dead, or he's ignoring me." Doubt would set in, and you would start to wonder if I was no longer interested. Perhaps you'd describe the situation to your friends or family. Certainly, the ones that never liked me in the first place would immediately recommend that you go and find another blog to read - one that cares about you enough to post on a regular basis. Other, more understanding friends would suggest that you should just give me some time to explain myself. They might hint that you should keep an eye on the market, however. Just in case a wealther, more handsome blog came along. You never know. Either way, one thing might lead to another and before we knew it, you'd be reading other blogs, and our special relationship will be over.

So, let me explain myself: The delay has been to do with my wife. I have been very concerned for her health over the past few months. Certainly, over the past six or seven months, I've watched with consternation at her inexplicable and constant weight gain. Having learned manners in a typically English fashion, I know better than to ask a lady about her age or her weight. I decided to apply the stiff-upper-lip technique. Say nothing, give her some time and no doubt she would pull through, sort herself out and stop eating so much. But the weight never stopped coming. Eventually, seeing that the stiff-upper-lip technique was adding no value, I decided to broach the topic:

"Honey, dear," I started one day. "I'm a little concerned about ... well, you know..." I looked pointedly at her belly a this stage.

She raised an eyebrow, daring me to continue. I should have detected the danger then, but I forged ahead:

"I'm a little concerned about the, er...puppy fat that you seem to picking up."

Well! Allow me to confirm that hell, indeed, hath no fury such as a woman scorned.

After the medics had left and the police agreed that no charges were necessary, my wife explained to me that she was suffering from a condition known as pregnancy.

Now I am an educated man. I am familiar with the constellations and the movements of astral bodies. I keep a keen eye on all matters religious, political and financial. And my experience did not fail me, for I have heard of, and come across, this condition before. Having met other people suffering from pregnancy, I knew that the condition almost always resolves itself and that the victim will most likely recover their shape and good humour, going on to live a normal and healthy life.

My relief was palpable. I apologised to my wife for my earlier lack of sensitivity, and commented on how I knew that it would all soon be over - that she need not suffer for much longer.

It was at this junction that she casually introduced the notion that this episode of pregnancy would culminate in the production of a baby, and that I should prepare accordingly.

Having already mentioned my education and life experience, I realised this was utter poppycock. Pure superstition! I remarked that pregnancy had nothing to do with childbirth, that childbirth was scientific nonsense and that when we had discussed an heir to my kingdom and future scion to my gaming wisdom, the child would be delivered by stork. I even remember describing what sort of child we should look for: capable of captaining a rugby team (at least at county level), likely to earn a doctorate, future winner of a Nobel prize and a regular participant in the space programme. I presumed these were all options in the catalogue?

I trust that you are sitting down when I say this: it turns out that scientific opinion is now against me! Apparently, the vast majority of mankind now believe that pregnancy is merely a symptom of the gestation period that occurs when a woman is with child. This child grows from some atomic particle or other into a fully formed little person within the belly of the afflicted lady, until the time is judged right to deliver said baby between the bones of the pelvis.

I'll believe it when I see it, is all I can say.

So anyway, the considerable delays to the updates on this blog have been mainly down to preparation of this new family member. I have cleaned, polished, sterilised, vacuumed, assembled, disassembled, painted, stuck, clicked and fitted a whole array of fascinating baby paraphernalia to the room in which the child will live and the various items required to support it.

It is this activity that has interrupted the otherwise smooth flow of battle report turns, painting and general bitching about the state of Warhammer today.

Please accept my humble apologies.

As a warning, it is right for me to say that the baby is due (apparently - I don't trust these sciencey - doctorey people one bit at the moment!) sometime in April, which I imagine might introduce further constraint on my time. As always, I am dedicated to the business of this blog, and as soon as I've managed to bundle the little tyke off to military school, everything will return to normal.

Stiff upper lip, chaps!

Terror of the Lichemaster. And Sabotage!

Good news and bad news.

Good news - I discovered that I had a celebrity in my model collection. I've always had the chap, but it wasn't until I looked at this post up on the Lead Adventure Forum that I realised I was the proud owner of the original Krell:

...that is, Krell the Black. 

How fortuitous - I just happened to have undercoated him as part of the preparation of my undead army. I was so thrilled with the discovery that I thought I would get to painting him right away.
But then...sabotage!

My all important painting light had snapped...

The saboteurs. Acting as if nothing had happened:

So, the whole thing was scuppered.

But, having been inspired by the approach taken to the Orc's Drift scenario, I can't help feeling I want to do the same thing for Terror of the Lichemaster. I'm busy with an undead army, so it will help with those goals and it should also make for some interesting painting as I try to locate the necessary models (or suitable substitutes). I suppose I need to finish the Nightmare Legion first...