Friday, 9 March 2012


Its been a while since I posted last. If you're like me, perhaps by this point you'd be thinking, "well, its been a little while now. Either he's dead, or he's ignoring me." Doubt would set in, and you would start to wonder if I was no longer interested. Perhaps you'd describe the situation to your friends or family. Certainly, the ones that never liked me in the first place would immediately recommend that you go and find another blog to read - one that cares about you enough to post on a regular basis. Other, more understanding friends would suggest that you should just give me some time to explain myself. They might hint that you should keep an eye on the market, however. Just in case a wealther, more handsome blog came along. You never know. Either way, one thing might lead to another and before we knew it, you'd be reading other blogs, and our special relationship will be over.

So, let me explain myself: The delay has been to do with my wife. I have been very concerned for her health over the past few months. Certainly, over the past six or seven months, I've watched with consternation at her inexplicable and constant weight gain. Having learned manners in a typically English fashion, I know better than to ask a lady about her age or her weight. I decided to apply the stiff-upper-lip technique. Say nothing, give her some time and no doubt she would pull through, sort herself out and stop eating so much. But the weight never stopped coming. Eventually, seeing that the stiff-upper-lip technique was adding no value, I decided to broach the topic:

"Honey, dear," I started one day. "I'm a little concerned about ... well, you know..." I looked pointedly at her belly a this stage.

She raised an eyebrow, daring me to continue. I should have detected the danger then, but I forged ahead:

"I'm a little concerned about the, er...puppy fat that you seem to picking up."

Well! Allow me to confirm that hell, indeed, hath no fury such as a woman scorned.

After the medics had left and the police agreed that no charges were necessary, my wife explained to me that she was suffering from a condition known as pregnancy.

Now I am an educated man. I am familiar with the constellations and the movements of astral bodies. I keep a keen eye on all matters religious, political and financial. And my experience did not fail me, for I have heard of, and come across, this condition before. Having met other people suffering from pregnancy, I knew that the condition almost always resolves itself and that the victim will most likely recover their shape and good humour, going on to live a normal and healthy life.

My relief was palpable. I apologised to my wife for my earlier lack of sensitivity, and commented on how I knew that it would all soon be over - that she need not suffer for much longer.

It was at this junction that she casually introduced the notion that this episode of pregnancy would culminate in the production of a baby, and that I should prepare accordingly.

Having already mentioned my education and life experience, I realised this was utter poppycock. Pure superstition! I remarked that pregnancy had nothing to do with childbirth, that childbirth was scientific nonsense and that when we had discussed an heir to my kingdom and future scion to my gaming wisdom, the child would be delivered by stork. I even remember describing what sort of child we should look for: capable of captaining a rugby team (at least at county level), likely to earn a doctorate, future winner of a Nobel prize and a regular participant in the space programme. I presumed these were all options in the catalogue?

I trust that you are sitting down when I say this: it turns out that scientific opinion is now against me! Apparently, the vast majority of mankind now believe that pregnancy is merely a symptom of the gestation period that occurs when a woman is with child. This child grows from some atomic particle or other into a fully formed little person within the belly of the afflicted lady, until the time is judged right to deliver said baby between the bones of the pelvis.

I'll believe it when I see it, is all I can say.

So anyway, the considerable delays to the updates on this blog have been mainly down to preparation of this new family member. I have cleaned, polished, sterilised, vacuumed, assembled, disassembled, painted, stuck, clicked and fitted a whole array of fascinating baby paraphernalia to the room in which the child will live and the various items required to support it.

It is this activity that has interrupted the otherwise smooth flow of battle report turns, painting and general bitching about the state of Warhammer today.

Please accept my humble apologies.

As a warning, it is right for me to say that the baby is due (apparently - I don't trust these sciencey - doctorey people one bit at the moment!) sometime in April, which I imagine might introduce further constraint on my time. As always, I am dedicated to the business of this blog, and as soon as I've managed to bundle the little tyke off to military school, everything will return to normal.

Stiff upper lip, chaps!


  1. Well Congratulations my have my sympathies for the death of your "free time"...which ironically will also happen in April...right around the time that the pregnancy thing sorts itself out!

    If you thought Warhammer could stretch your imagination and strain your thought processes you are about enter a whole new...and highly!

    I still can't figure out what I did with all my extra time and money before my two rank and file members joined our family unit...that earlier period of my life is but a foggy memory.

    All joking aside...parenting is the hardest job you will ever love. Take care of your wife...the last month or so can be quite a challenge...for both of you.

    Oh...and go to as many movies and out to eat as much as possible over the next month...because you won't be able to again for quite some time.

    Congrats again!


  2. Congratulations get over the first week or two and it gets better, then steadily worse but I wouldn't have it any other way. How else is a chap to rope two naughty brothers into role playing and wargaming with him then raise them right in the first place.

    This is the real adventure, good luck.

  3. Congrats on the loss of your free time.
    I myself completely forgot to have children and have had to instead collect a circle of tot-addled friends who will let me visit... and then, conveniently, leave.

  4. Thanks all - I think...

    @Erny - yes, you've seen the plan! I've explored every avenue to find 3rd ed. players, including making my own.

    Everyone always talks about the loss of time and the bad stuff, but I can't myself - I just can't wait for the little one. I imagine that I'll be starting a lot of sentences like that in its future - I can't until it can talk - I can't wait till it can go to the toilet by itself - and, no doubt, I can't wait until it moves out. Until then...

    So again, thanks so much for the congratulations. Much appreciation from myself and Her Glorious Majesty, Minister of the Interior and Lord High Commander of the Household!

  5. Congratulations old man!! Splendid news, broached, ur, perilously!

    Do pass Giggers' and my congratulations onto the lady wife (I'm sure that will bring her comfort : )

  6. Congratulations Gaj!

    Despite all the loss of time and sacrifices one has to make, it's all worth it, at least that is what I keep telling myself...

    You just have to reinvent time a bit, once you've figured out the behavior patterns of your sibling and have everything neatly organized, you can start thinking about getting some hobby time back. Of course this is an art by itself, it requires patience, insight in the female mind, tact and a lot of planning. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it.

    I wish you both the best of luck!

  7. Congratulations! Breeding your own opponents is the most fun method of all... :-)

    You've also inspired me to start a similar project (blog not any more children). Shiny new bog here might help through sleepless nights....


  8. Congratulations, Sir! I had just come to the conclusion that I was now following too many blogs and must have missed the next turn of your game in my feed when you posted it. So I thought i'd swing on by and check up on things! What a great surprise this is!

    But I dare you to use one of the old warhammer name generation tables instead of the traditional books of baby names...

  9. Many congratulations, hopefully there will be a potential new 3rd ed. gamer arriving in a few weeks. :)

  10. @all: Again, thanks very much!

    @Mc Monkey Dew - You'll be pleased to know that my wife wasn't the least bit phased by the fact that a gentleorc adventurer with poorer-than-average eyesight was issuing well wishes and congratulations. I guess she's getting used to this sort of thing.

    @Chris - unfortunately, my wife was less enamoured with the idea of randomly generated names. I had a go with the daemon common-use names in Realms of Chaos. I got Throbsuck Manspasm. I was a little reticent, to be fair,in suggesting the name, but my wife clarified matters by calmly suggesting that I should only take name suggestions from people to whom I would lend money. Given that she spends all my money, leaving me with none to lend others, I suspect she has me over a barrel...

    @Steve - This is a lovely blog you have, sir - some astounding old figures and whatnot there. Welcome to the blogosphere, and thanks for your support. I see lots of pages waiting to be filled with lots of lovely old lead - looking forward to their progress!

    @Dreamfish - for you sir, I issue a special set of thanks, because you've had to carry the load of processing Koles Lorr through these things. You are a scholar and a gentleman! A thousand blessings for you and your family!

    So again, thanks everyone! We are thoroughly pleased with the good wishes!

  11. Well belated congratulations/commiserations! Sorry I missed this momentous news - things have been a little busy my end, although just in terms of boring stressy work.

    My wife has been afflicted with the aforesaid condition no less than two times!

    All is well these days as we have the little snotlings (4 and 2 years old respectively) fairly well trained - bedtime at 7pm-ish and no eating of the funny little monsters that Daddy paints.

    In fact I'm looking forward to repainting my old Heroquest set to mark the long awaited day when my son is old enough to understand wargaming. Depending on how well the indoctrination campaigmn is going this could be in a couple of years so I'd best get started soon...

    I've already got them both hooked on all things monster, especially my daughter - dinosaurs to Godzilla, cybermen to Daleks - next step the wonderful world of Warhammer 3rd. ed...

    On the subject of names, I went for some crackers from antiquity - Agamemnon, Imhotep, Genghis - but strangely also faced scorn and rejection.

    Women huh?!

  12. Hey Mr T!

    Having seen your successful tale of painting, and your continued efforts in gaming and painting, it is comforting to know that you do so having sired two children, no doubt clamouring every day for your deserved attention.

    Also, I plan to follow in your footsteps - I am already forming an indoctrination program that should cover either gender. Highlights include thundercats, robotech and nerf guns and progress into Warhammer Quest (assuming I can get a copy without re-mortgaging the house), Space Quest and some form of OD&D or WFRP.

    Graduation occurs with their first victory in Warhammer 3rd edition.

    I'm screwed if it turns out my child wants a piano or a pony.

    As regards names, I shit you not when I say that my uncle-in-law proposed Boadicea as a name if the child was a girl.

    The response ended with 'over my dead body.'

    Women, huh?!