On the internet, there is a chap called Dave.
Dave likes beer, bacon and battle. Especially the 4th edition of Warhammer Fantasy Battle. He likes it so much, he made a group about it on Facebook.
Dave is also a friend of mine, and is kind to me.
And so, dear reader, at this junction, I am expecting your mind to create a venn diagram in your head, for me, so that I don't have to have one here. It is a diagram that describes the union of Dave, kindness and Warhammer 4th edition.
You see, what Dave has gone and done is issue a challenge similiar in almost every respect to the Tale of Four Wargamers, which is a very famous series of articles in White Dwarf about real wargamers using real money to do real wargaming.
He's called it The Tale of 4th Gamers because he's witty like that and has opened it up to the entire internet to particpate in. It is intended to start in November (the very first day of November!), so the entire internet does still have tine to register their interest, but, what with Netflix, OnlyFans, ASMR Twitch streams and Call of Duty Modern Dark Ops Super Warfare 13, I suspect that most of the entire internet will have missed the challenge and may not show up.
Candidly, it was my intention not to show up either. I have difficulty with painting challenges, because for me to paint, I have realised that I must follow my inspiration. Painting things because I have to is a real mood killer and leads to massive down time as I spiral into disappointment and self loathing for being unable to meet the challenge, meaning I'm clearly a failure and a loser and therefore I should overeat and watch ASMR Twitch feeds to console myself to my bottomfeeding ambitions and capabilities.
But walking away from challenges is not the stuff of blogposts, so our story does not end here.
I had occasion to catch up with Dave (amongst others) at Warlord Paul's thoroughly excellent Night of the Living Lead event, which takes place every year around about Halloween here:
...and looked like this:
...and I participated with this:
Gratuitious image posting because I swore every post I make shall now have something I've painted in them.
Anyway, because I had mumbled something about mild interest in the thought of planning a means to consider an option of a potential interest in participating, and because Dave is a kind man, he beat me with a stick until I agreed.
Through the magic of paper production, however, the stick was already magically transformed formed into paper; specifically paper contained within White Dwarfs 218-223, in which the famous Tale of Four Gamers is documented. Dave gave these magazines to me, wrapped, no less, in paper. With sellotape.
Like a gift.
He then told me all about the gold coins and the pricing thing that he had worked out and we chewed the fat on the elf army that I was going to bring to the challenge. We drank beer, we ate kebabs, we swore fealty to the challenge.
He instructed me to read the challenge and be inspired.
So, I did, and I am. Inspired enough to immediately deviate from course and over-engineer any reasonable response to a challenge whose constraints and opportunities Dave has already determined, so as to alleviate these stresses on the participants of the challenge.
But not for me.
What I really liked about the challenge was the photos of the original gamers on the phone, or with catalogues, looking like they were doing the thing we all did back in those heady days of mail order trolls, posting order forms and paying with credit cards whose details were written onto the order form and trusted to the post box. I remember those days and I immediately identified the bizarre joy of the budget constraint; the hunt; the min/maxing not of army power, but of fiscal reality - numbers of figures per blister or per box, all accruing together into a real, viable army.
So, off to eBay I went to get an original 1997 Mail Order Price List, so that I could fully participate in the challenge, as if, in fact, it was 1997. I now realise these magazines were actually published in 1998, but I was giddy with childish excitement and by the time I realised this the price list was already on its way.
And so, equipped with the price list, I started to plan.
Astute readers may recall that I mentioned above the noble High Elves as the force I intended to enter the challenge with. That would make sense - I have what I think are quite good ideas for a captivating and interesting marine force, with great figure choices and some eye catching conversion options. Crucually, it would be a small force. Achievable in a challenge. I've invented two special characters for them. Maybe forty-ish figures?
Ideal.
So I over-engineered that too. Or maybe sabotaged.
Because I went down this path instead:
...because of the thing that caused me to fall in love with warhammer in the first place. This image:
...depicting the most glorious of goblin armies. A scene that has captured and haunted me ever since, because as a youngster there was no way on earth I'd be able to afford the £251 required to buy this in 1993.
But over the long, long years, I have slowly and patiently and quietly gathered together the figures reqiuired to create this horde. And Dave had challenged me to a Tale of 4th Gamers. And it is Orctober.
So, I broke out a little more inspiration with my own copy of White Dwarf 157, where the battle report featuring these two magnificent forces appeared.
Inspiration flowed.
Here was the means for me to advance the dream by painting vital constituents of Azhag's Goblin Horde.
So, clutching childhood dreams, the double dose of intoxicating inspiratation and the 1997 Citadel Price List, I set to work constructing my shopping list.
Which gives me a challenge force that looks like this:
The orcs here are really an extension of this unit:
...which I guess is my actual start of Azhag's White Dwarf 157 force. I also note that whilst you're seeing two trolls in blister, this is because I have a third stone troll already painted up, a gift from that fine chap Mr Grove over in Americaland, who remembered that I have a penchant for Stone Trolls and ensured I would never be without one. I will not repaint this troll, although I may consider some base matching with the rest of the force.
So, soon we start. It should be that at the end of November, I'll have 20 painted orcs - a thing I've not ever had in all my years of warhammer.
Cheers, Dave!
